Today is 12 of Ramadhan 1430H. Every year when I celebrate Ramadhan, the unforgettable experience celebrating Ramadhan in a hospital always in my mind. Thank God for giving me that precious moment for me to experience. Because of that, I am not only able to understand but also to feel the pain and share the difficulties faced by the patients and the parents.
That was five years ago. At that time, my late son had been admitted in paeds oncology ward, Hospital Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia, Cheras for his brain tumour treatment. During that time, I feel very very sad because I could not celebrate Ramadhan as usual, cooking family's favourite dish for the break fast, breaking fast together with all my family members at home, going to mosque to pray tarawih, etc. I was only able to break fast with a few dates and simple but nutricious meal provided by the hospital with some "kuih" bought by my husband on his way back from his office. Prayed Tarawih beside my son's bed. My daily activities were very limited. In my head, I was thinking when I could go back home. Sometimes, I felt that I was the unluckiest person in the world but when I looked at other patients and their parents, there were other people who were unluckier compared to me. I could see how a mother cried all the time waiting her son in the ward thinking about her son's pain and no hope to survive anymore. I also witnessed how a grandfather sacrificed his precious resting time to take care of his grandchild suffering from brain tumour. Everynight I could hear a girl's screaming ask her mother's help because she couldn't stand the chemotherapy treatment any longer. The mother couldn't do anything, but just only able to ask her daughter to be patient. I also knew a jobless mother with her leukemia child who has to ask her first daughter to stop schooling because no body could take care of the younger brothers and sisters at home. She shared her feeling by telling me, if not because of her strong faith towards Allah, she might turn to be a non-Muslim. Alhamdulillah she could stand the test.
I asked Allah's forgiveness as soon as I realized that I was not thankful to Him and being not patient in facing His small test. My difficulty and hardship was very small compared to others. Allah just took small piece of my happiness, but bestowed me with countless bounties more than the small piece He took. "Alhamdulillah, Astaghfirullah al-Azim."
Today, after five years, that experience still fresh in my mind. Alhamdulillah, I thank you Allah for giving me that test because not everybody is lucky as me to "taste" the sweetness of the test. It gives me full of lessons to ponder.
12 Ramadhan 1430H
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